Don't Make It Bitter

 My, I don't know where my head is today. Actually, scratch that. I will give you, reader, a review of my day thus far. First off, I had a nightmare last night that woke me up a little before my alarm this morning with a start. People were yelling at me like it was my fault like it was all my fault (I don't know exactly what "it" is or was, but sometimes the mysteries of a dream make them all the more terrifying). They were acting vengefully on me and the people that I loved, and they were going to attack, and that was right when I woke up with a start. I was only too glad to find that Michael was still lying beside me (caught in a sweet dream, for all I knew) and it was all only a dream. Phew! My alarm went off a few minutes later, and have found that that the previous circumstances were only a nightmare robbing me of good sleep, I hit the snooze button, shut my eyes again, and tried to fall asleep. When those few lethargic minutes passed, and I found myself saying my morning prayers (I am trying to get back into that habit) in the monotony of morning. After doing so, I don't know what happened, but it was as if I was stuck with a cattle prod. When I want to be fast I am. I was in the parking lot at work all too soon, when I realized that I wasn't even working the morning shift. I assume that I should have been more firm with Brandon about making sure my work schedule gets sent to the new email that I regularly check (emails are to be the death of me!) (actually, even though it has many good uses, I guess I just don't understand it yet in full, do technology is to be the reason that I die in the end). I know that everything falls on me and is my responsibility in the end...sorrowfully (JK!), so hopefully these monthly goals will help. Gulp. 

1) Limit empty calories. There is just something about living on your own that makes you keep an extra eye on the food that enters your body and whether or not it is actually good for you. That can be seen as either a good or a bad thing (or both...). I am saying right now that it is a good thing, or I am at least trying to. (Unhealthy food always seems to be cheaper though and is less likely to just plain rot in the back of my fridge or cupboard.) Healthy food is good, so this month, I plan to keep an extra eye on my diet with this goal. I won't just ignore the ice cream in the fridge in my work break room. Gotta start somewhere. 💁 Also, for those of you that don't know, empty calories are the calories that come from solid fats or sugars. They are found in things like donuts, fruit drinks, and pizza (did I miss anything?). Don't look at me like that!

2) Clean Tupperware and get in the habit of hand-drying it. Along with a little joke...Here goes. 

I am a firm believer in the kitchen appliance/tool/storage unit of Tupperware. They just make things easier to keep, like my sanity. This isn't a recent discovery either. I have always loved this thing, and its many uses, or rather the many things that it can store. In fact, I thought up an invention for those of us that simply can never find the lid to the container, or vice versa. (I am now telling you this because I swear that I am not the only one who has come up with this idea, or rather solution.) Just make the lid and the container attached. Let me illustrate, like the lid to those little packets of M&M's at the movie theater, or like a pack of sticky notes, or even how you open a hard-cover book (or any book...this is just easier to describe if one part of the book is firm (the cover) and the other flimsy (the paper). Now, before I get too carried away with this idea (who knows? maybe it will become one of my goals in the future.), let me backtrack. I have a wonderful dishwasher, its only issue seems to be with this particular type of dish. And since I and my husband both have jobs and one of us is studying to become a doctor (and the other an inventor with crafty ideas like the aforementioned Tupperware Wonder) (I'm still working on what I will call it!), we are both firm believers in the lazy (had to be said) idea of air-drying. So, this goal is just me saying, no more! I will make sure all of my dishes, Tupperware particularly (always the wettest), are dried to their sustenance, even if I have to use a towel in doing so. It may not be a flood right now (though there was a thunderstorm the other night...loud noises frighten me), but I should always be doing what I can to help, even if it only be in the small ways. The wise man built his house upon the rock (I should really give Michael more credit). 

3) Earn money writing. Now, with this one, I do admit that I am not some epic published author who has sold millions of books that tell stories that I wrote, but as you might have noticed with some of my other blog posts, I know how to write a story and enjoy doing so. Everyone has different favorites when it comes to reading and writing, and though I haven't quite found my niche yet, I am trying to, with responses to random writing prompts that I am given with the writing and publishing pages that I follow on Facebook and Instagram, I am noting the ones that I would like to continue with, and make a bigger story, maybe even a novel someday. Currently, I am working on writing a story that I call (or will call if I don't change my mind...which I am known to do), Chasing the Abyss. It is the story of Zechariah Taylor, who feels like he isn't headed anywhere in life with the small Wisconsin town that he grew up in, and he can't wait to get out. That is until life threw him another curveball testing him on how much he really loves his family and if he will stay with them until the end of their trial. Going nowhere, but going everywhere. That is the theme that I am trying to chase, or rather track down with this particular story idea. Stories are designed to make others think, and in the process of their creation, they make the author think snd discover several parts of themselves, at least that is how it is with me (though I am nothing big...yet, and I do not know if I will ever be.)

4) Talk to flowers (or plants). Before you say how crazy I am, this is legit! Talking to plants can indeed help them grow, especially if you happen to be a woman. Now, I am not quoting the Botany class that I have taken in the past, but I a not just going off of a gut feeling either. In a study that the Royal Horticulture Society conducted, researchers discovered that talking to your plants does indeed help them to grow healthily, and faster. Also, they found that better results were given in response to a female voice rather than a male one. (I think of vague attachments to the Bible there, which is either odd or proof that God patterned even things like this for a special reason). This can be my own little experiment, though I doubt that Michael will ever feel like talking to plants. What can I say? My last name used to be Gardner (which though it was spelled differently, sounded like a gardener, and it was an English name). Maybe I should study my own genealogy more (and Michael's because though I am more English and Danish by blood, he happens to be more Italian and Hispanic in the same way, and if you think about it, so am I now too).

I am a forward, progressive thinker, and I don't think that is a bad thing. 

It all starts with sparklers...

 I have now been married for about a month, and let me tell you...it has certainly been full of surprises for certain. (I just didn't know that I liked surprises so much. 😄) Mike and I definitely share a few tokens to remember the vitality of the rest of our forever together. We are both willing to fight for each other, should the day come that either of us has to (though if I am being honest, I hope it doesn't...I don't wish to become a bother, but you never can know how deep the thunder may roar). We are so grateful that we were married and had our vows exchanged in the temple, in the eyes of God. We both know that with Him, our marriage will last forever and have success. Everyone is in constant need of His mercy. As we grow closer to the Lord together, we find ourselves able to see our strengths and our weaknesses more clearly. A little good, a little bad, but all in all, beautiful (or handsome 😍). Mike helps me see my life in clarity, I believe, which helps me make these goals a bit better. I hope you enjoy it. (Not to sound like a broken record but, life is good.) 

1) Read "The Underground Railroad" by Colson Whitehead. I made this goal, hoping to be simplistic. I know that the 4th of July is a few mere days away and where the country is today...I thought or rather hoped that it would never be in my lifetime (or anyone's lifetime, considering). I am sad to say many Americans are not looking forward to the celebration of our country's independence in the least. Now that I think it, how independent, or free, if you rather, can anyone consider themselves? Seriously, I am not saying that this nation hasn't seen it worse before, honoring and respecting people that fought in this nation's many battles to see freedom, but I do have my own battles, everyone does, and I am considerate of them all (before I get off on another tangent...). That is why my book club and I are reading the book by Colson Whitehead, "The Underground Railroad" this month, so we can celebrate the freedom of all, as we celebrate America's freedom this month. It verses the story of Cora, a slave on a Georgia plantation, who doesn't fit in and is mocked and ridiculed by all, even by the other slaves. When Caesar, from Virginia, tells her about the Underground Railroad, they decide to risk it all and attempt an escape. In order to do so, Cora must do outlandish things that she never thought she would do on any other day during any other time. This story reminds me somewhat of "Gulliver's Travels" with Cora encountering new things at each stage in her journey. It creates an odyssey with time, as well as space. It is interesting what one will do when freedom is on the line.

2) Track daily food intake for one month. I promise this one will have a point, but how often do even you think about what you eat each day? Not lollygagging like either, seriously think about it. Why did you do it? Did you just order the first thing on the menu that you saw? (Yup, that's me. ✋) It is only too easy to mindlessly eat every meal (and difficult to admit that we are doing so) (at least it is for me). Everyone has so much going on in their own lives that understanding the prospect of food, or which food we should eat at a given moment seems like just one more thing to add to our to-do list (that is already miles long). "Food is fuel." I know, I know. Everyone knows. We all prefer eating whatever we can get our hands-on. This is where I say (or rather, yell), "No more!" We are not all starving dogs (eating anything we can) so we should stop acting like it! Now, this goal was hard for me to make, because though I am a regularly healthy person that you wouldn't assume needs to go on a diet, I still have those bad habits. I like having at least one pizza night at my house a week, I've got a good nose and an ever-expanding stomach for good food (what can I say? Michael is allergic to dairy, so it is only right that I help him out there by eating what he can't.), and whenever I go to Wendy's, I have to order a frosty with my meal (also, a salad order at a fast-food restaurant is ridiculous) (I did do it once, but at the end, I was just more hungry for a cheeseburger). Everyone has lessons and habits that they could and should learn that can be applied to food intake, so I am starting here. 

3) Declutter every room in our home. Nobody's perfect, and I certainly am not here. Getting married and someone moving in with you is a great idea, though it does have its surprises, like all of the new habits that you must get used to. Mike is a clean person, I am not selling him short; it is just that we are both very busy people and we like to think on our feet. Yeah, that's believable. The walls are closing in. --that is why I make this goal. 😉 Cleaning or decluttering has its benefits too, let me direct that. Regular cleaning will delete the likelihood for sickness, overall. (On that note, Mike is studying to become a doctor.) A clean home presents more of an opportunity to be hospitable, in that a general pick-up makes your home look all the better. Also, you may break into a sweat while cleaning...and singing a song (you have your habits, I have mine) (music helps me in everything) (strictly speaking, dancing makes you sweat too) and therefore, you won't need any of those expensive gym memberships. If cleaning tasks are spread throughout the week, you feel less guilty about downtime. Keeping a clean home makes one happy. (Read that again, because it is true.) And even though it is the little things that control over them is in fact, comforting. (Did you read it again?)

4) Eat a salad every day for one month.  Here I go again...I'm serious if any of you doubters happen to be reading this.An eating plan that helps manage your, or strictly speaking my weight includes a variety of healthy foods. Add an assortment of colors to your plate and think of it as eating a rainbow. 🌈 Dark, leafy greens of the lettuce and/or spinach, oranges, and tomatoes--even fresh herbs are loaded with vitamins, minerals, and fiber. Also, adding frozen peppers, broccoli, or onions to stews and omelets gives them a quick, convenient burst of color and nutrients. Another tidbit, if I must, and I must, did you know that you can make oatmeal in a cute little teapot? 🍵 I'm not trying to convince myself of anything...maybe. If anything, it is to buy more lettuce (and a cute, little teapot, because I can't say no to anything that is cute or little) (I pity myself on the day that Mike and I have children, I would be way too loose with rules right now because of how cute and little our children with their pleading puppy-dog eyes are bound to be 😍). Heaven, help me!

Happy 4th everyone!

What's a girl in love to do?

I did not necessarily do the best, the most top-notch job at my goals last month, but I am still in the process of giving myself a break. Bad excuse?? I don't think so. I am still trying to fit in the groove of living in a new place, trying to fit in reasonable amounts of time daily to get my classes and schoolwork done (talk about goals that I should have... never mind), and oh, I am getting married later today. 💖 If that one doesn't take the cake, I don't know what will. (In addition to marrying the man of my dreams, I am in high anticipation of finally getting to eat that delicious cake that my sister-in-law, Emily Gardner baked for my special day, plus I just haven't eaten a cake in a while in my pre-wedding diet, though that is just a slight sharp in a chorus of flats.) Anyway, if you reach for the sky and you miss, at least you are among the stars. ⭐

1) Start attending the self-reliance classes my neighbors, Conor and Mati are offering with Mike. 

Before I go on about this particular aim, I would like to make one thing painfully clear. I have been working on becoming self-reliant because sometimes the only one that I find that I truly can rely on is myself. It is a sad fact of life, but it is true. I found this startling fact in its essence of truth, particularly after my car accident. Not to sell any of you shart out there, because if you did something to help me get through that part of my life, I was grateful then, am grateful now, and will be forevermore, let me divulge into the point I was trying to make with these sentences if they remain to make no sense at all to you. Lots of giving, generous, charitable people out there did take out the little parts of them for me, but the injury that I received from the car accident still remains one of the types that confound all, because of how difficult that it is to understand in specifics. I received a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) which means that my head was rattled so very hard, that it now is harder to function on the right side of my body because of the way in which I was hit. Since there are about a million ways, if not more, or so I believe that someone unlucky can be hit in a way similar to the way that I was, there are a million, if not more ways that one may be injured in a way similar (in a way that ceases to be similar at all) to the way in which I was hit. All of my doctors and therapists that helped me to recover after the accident were very helpful, and I am very grateful because they all played their part in helping me to reach where I am today, but they also helped me realize that I don't get any better unless I decide to do so. I need to learn to rely more on myself. I need to learn to become more self-reliant. Admittedly, I have already missed some of these classes which my neighbors invited me to (either by lack of attendance, or honeymoon, as the reason, will be this coming week) (what is self-reliance again?), but I will still try my hardest to go to as many of these limited class numbers as I can, and of Michael, please help me! (I always seem to do better if I have someone more than just myself to rely on...not that a handicap like that is a good thing, it just certainly isn't a bad thing.) 

2) Purchase something to improve your life. I would like to highlight or rather jump back to the little paragraph that I wrote at the beginning of this post, where I was feeling downtrodden on myself because I didn't feel at all accomplished in my goals last month (or any month 😞), where I sure was reminding myself that I am my own worst any enemy (even if I do not always realize it) and was just feeling crummy about myself because I certainly am the worst. STOP IT! I am speaking to one and all here (including myself). It happens to us all sometimes. I know this to be true. We all feel that violin in our ear playing out "My Heart Bleeds For You" because we really do think that we are the worst, though that is truly the last thing that any of us are. As Jack Sparrow said, "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." In other words, everyone is their own worst enemy, but that shouldn't get any of us down! There is always room, plus time for improvement on any day. Don't sweat it that much, really. I have a point. Also, if you continue feeling just plain awful about yourself, you can turn to your scriptures and read about the Atonement and Resurrection. Christ went through all that suffering for you, so you must matter! Anyway, my point with this goal; I already find myself buying more items than I need at the store, or maybe I just really hate spending precious money, especially when I have one of the lowest-paying jobs in Rexburg (or maybe I'm just hungry right now...), but I need a better, more comfortable pattern to my shopping. I need bread for toast, peanut butter for sandwiches, and berries for anti-oxidants. All these things help me, it's true (and they taste good 😋), I just need a simpler pattern of listing them from a layer of most important to least, maybe...or I need to realize that the world isn't ending...yet. 

3) Run one mile every day. In case you need it again, here is another vibrant flashback for you: I don't run. I haven't run for over a decade. Now, not to say that I am lazy because I don't think I am. I am a real hard worker, or at least I fancy myself as one. This is just playing the record of my life, I can't do a lot of things now because of the car accident that I was in, and running is one of them. Jeff, one of my greatest therapists explained it in a way preferable to me when he said that any exercise that a normal person would do is double for me, because of my handicap. I don't run, but that doesn't mean that I haven't tried. I find it easier to walk quickly if I'm listening to my quick-beat pop music. It is almost natural (just make sure I know where I am putting my foot--I have tripped, fallen, and broken my face more than once). My job at DI (Deseret Industries) is practically walking around nonstop and straightening certain areas of the store, but since I get paid for that, I don't count it as exercise. I should edit this goal, run, or walk one mile a day in a setting that is preferable not a store (though I can spend over an hour arousing Walmart weekly, I don't count that, or shouldn't because lots of that time is spent looking at products, searching for my needs, accessibility, or the cheapest price). 

4) Set alarm for sunrise everyday. Okay, cards on the table. I have almost always considered myself an early bird. No matter what time I went to sleep the night before, I got up at a decently early time the next day. Let me detail. It has always been like this. When I was really young, I strangely looked forward to getting up real early to help my parents through newspapers on a paper route around town (who cared that I had school later that day? I would be just as awake for my school hours during the Math test that I knew I would receive a B- on), what can I say? I had a strange, young, innocent mind. I miss those days, startlingly, when I compare them to some that I encounter now (excluding today, I have been antsy about marriage my whole entire life). Here is what I am talking about: I have a job that I have to get to if I want enough money to help put food on the table (I still don't trust that mac-n-cheese that Mike recently put in the cabinet), I have classes that I have to pass (and have enough time to pass, strictly speaking), and I have to set apart workout time (who cares if it is midnight or past midnight?) to sustain a healthy functioning body. I guess that is why I set this goal, in itself. I believe in starting every one of my days in a relaxed tone, even if the rest of my day that I am looking forward to isn't relaxing at all. That is why I set the time for sunrise (one of the best times for relaxing yoga 욗). Namaste. 

5) Sleep with phone in another room. This is going to be a tough one, nevertheless, I am relentless (and know that I can do it, I have done it before)! What can I say, bad habits are hard to break? Nevertheless, they are possible to break. My main issue with this one is I like listening to quiet music (not the music that I plan to walk to, or dance to during my quick workout) as I go to sleep, and I like it to be audible, so I usually just throw my phone across my bed, put on my sleep mask, and go to sleep...I wish it were that simple. Stay with me: phones are a little like little computers, so they can contain the world within them, and with that a million (if not more) distractions. I have become better at controlling myself through the years (I don't need to know what happens in the next chapter that much, What happens in other people's lives makes no difference to mine, or my favorite, Mike is probably really tired too), but I could always do better. That is why I create this goal. To create a good habit that will help me to sustain another good habit. Not to be an empty echo in a lone cave, but if you happen to be reading this, love, could you help a goal out? I know that helping one another to create new, better selves would sure be appreciated, certainly on my side, at least. 💕 Thank you! Have to walk before you can run. 

💋 I love you, Michael! 💋

(This picture was taken on one of our first dates, little did we know that our time together would just become more and more enjoyable and it wouldn't only be stopping for a sandwich together 💘.) What's a girl in love to do? 😍

I'm still a beginner...

 Now, you probably didn't decide to read this blog post to receive at least some of my philosophical views, but you are going to get them. (As long as we are on that groove, why did you read this? I would love to hear it in the comments! ❤) Actually, let's be honest with one another, shall we? I'm really tired, didn't fall asleep until late last night, and just lost $2 to get my laundry done. I know it isn't that much but I don't like spending money and back in the days before I paid to get a load done, I considered doing my laundry relaxing and would sometimes do it more than once a week because it always helped me to reach my zen. That isn't the story anymore. I am grateful that I still have a place where I can wash and dry my clothes, don't get me wrong, I just find the humid, noisy, groggy, sad place a little less relaxing. Maybe I'm just a beginner...yes, that's it. I know life is hard, but I try to make it the best that I can (I already vacuumed this morning if that counts 😜). In other words, here is my monthly post on my goals, may the odds be ever in my favor because of it. 

1) Do a no-spend challenge. 

I don't mean to address myself as an introvert...wait, maybe I do, keep reading but it is pretty tough not spending every dime (and nickel, and quarter, and penny) that I own every time that I go to the store, but I also support life of frugality. I always have. I remember when I was still in Young Women's, I started a lifestyle of tracking everything that I spent for a week, and though I had a very low income anyway, it introduced me to the idea that a penny saved is a penny earned. Strictly speaking though, that was a really long time ago, and back then I didn't have to go grocery shopping once a week in order to live (or stuff way too many quarters in the dryer to get it to actually dry my clothes), so I need to look at my current lifestyle, and try to do something like that again. I need to hold onto my money if I can. Now, I am not introducing the idea that I starve (living off the two pizzas that I have in my freezer 😋), or not do my laundry at the end of each week, but I am proposing the thought that I actually look at, and think about my needs vs. my wants before I make an honest purchase. Let me illustrate, I am a bookworm (I promise that I have a point), and no matter what, in every single store, I always somehow end up in the section where they place their books that they are selling. Some people have hungry eyes among whatever, I particularly have them around books. I desperately need to know if the dragon does indeed get slain at the end, the guy gets the girl, or the confounding mystery becomes solved. I know this is something about me that makes me me, and I am proud of it (I could be buying as much chocolate as possible, but I don't...usually) sufficed to say. Unfortunately, that tricksy store doesn't always look at this idea positively, since every book is expensive (except for at the used book sale at my old library) (again, I am a frugal person), more often than not I am able to march out of that store without a single book in hand (unless an author recently put out a new book and I can't help myself) (that happened once!...so far). I guess I just like the smell of paper. Someday I will be a writer, but that will be after I complete this no-spend challenge (except for laundry...I have had nightmares about what would happen if I were to have too large a load to place in that place that looks, smells, and feels like a witch's cauldron) (I swear, my imagination is often my savior), with a book in hand, along with a cup of hot cocoa. 

2) Eat-in for 30 days straight. 

I dream of and hope that I am selling myself short with this next goal. I have always admired baking since a very young age. I did what any normal girl would do in the pink apron that my mother bought me, I baked cookies (the best chocolate chip cookies in the world). Now, I am not tooting my own horn. I got the recipe from my mom (as I believe we all did with whatever we were cooking when we were seven) and she knew just what the dough was supposed to look and feel like in order to create the greatest cookies in the world. If you learn from the best and try your best, the results will not taint. Not to say that cookies are the only thing that I bake and eat now because they aren't. (My chest hurts just thinking about it...why did I say that?) I know how to make a few things, but cookies were where my inspiration started. I can make calzones, grilled cheese, or soup, and much much more (just give me the recipe and I will try to keep my memory in check) today so I guess that this is part of m mission not to spend, I need to stop eating out. My fiancee even suggested to me that we can make a few things together, I'll handle the dessert while he does the main meal is what I mean...Also, in case you are a baker hiding his/her works in the closet like me, or you just want it, here is the aforementioned recipe to the greatest cookies in the world:

Chocolate Chip Pudding Cookies

2 1/4 cups

1 tsp. baking soda

1 1/2 tsp salt

1 cup butter

3/4 cups brown sugar

1/4 cup sugar

1 pkg instant vanilla pudding mix

1 tsp vanilla extract

2 eggs

12 oz chocolate chips

1 cup nuts (opt)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees

Combine the flour and baking soda. Set aside.

Mix the butter, brown sugar, white sugar, pudding mix, and vanilla. Beat until creamy. Add the eggs and mix well. Gradually stir in the flour mixture. Stir in the chocolate chips and the chopped nuts. Drop from teaspoon onto ungreased cookie sheets about 1 inch apart.

Bake at 375 degrees for 8 to 10 minutes. 

3) Make an extra $500

I know what you are thinking...a whole lot of these goals have something to do with money. I'm not saying that money is the only thing that matters, but I am being wary. No one really knows what is going to happen in the future and everyone should be prepared, so I am doing the best that I can by setting these goals. Also, show me a sad rich person that doesn't have a place to sleep and food on their table, and maybe I will think twice about these goals. Of course, that can be frustrating sometimes to the vain dreamers like you and me, but instead of complaining and taking the oft-traveled road in that yellow wood, I would much rather take advantage of my skills, be like them, and be willing and able to help my friends and family as the glorious mess I am, as Elizabeth Gilbert would say. Now, I am not going into this goal as a blind mouse dreaming and thinking something is there when it is not, but rather, a blind bat taking advantage of what they know. I don't expect that $500 will fall into my lap...though that would be nice. I need to work in order for this to happen. I can turn my skills into cash (if only someone would publish my works--any suggestions?), I can join the website that pays people for taking surveys (if I'm even willing to give that information..." gulp"), I can deliver with Uber Eats and get paid up to 5 times a day, or maybe the same with DoorDash. I'm just spitballing here. Do you happen to have any ideas of how I can earn up to $500 this month (or more...I'm a dreamer)?

4) Read "Ella Enchanted" by Gail Carson Levine for my book club.

This one goes a little deeper into my "I absolutely love everything about reading" trait. I am part of a book club. You can see more about it here. Right now, we are trying to read all the books suggested by our members (if you happen to have a suggestion for us, yourself, please don't be shy), and we are on this book next. Our member, and my sister, Bree suggested it. I remember first reading this book when I was 9 or 10 (or somewhere around that age) but I am happy to be reading it again at a much older age. Re-reading an old book is like visiting an old friend, in my eyes, and who knows? I might spot things in the story that I hadn't before. Here is a synopsis of this retelling of Cinderella-At birth, young Ella was given a thoughtless gift of obedience. 😖 Ella must obey any order that she is given, no matter if it happens to be a good command or even a bad one. It might be as silly as hopping on one foot all day or perhaps the vile one of chopping off her own head! Though this quality seems unchangeable, strong-willed Ella refuses to give to it, without fighting a little for freedom on her own. She quests, venturing to demolish this curse. She encounters ogres, giants, wicked stepsisters, fairy godmothers, and handsome princes in her own resolution to break this curse and somehow live happily ever after. I think this story can be compared to our current day, stay with me, with how governing powers may try to steal our agency in some way sometimes, yet if we steadfastly stand up for ourselves, we find that a happy life is indeed possible. 

5) Plan your dream vacation.

Wowza. I do live a busy life, nevertheless, it is a good one. At least I am not sitting around waiting until I die, and thornbushes still have roses. Everything bad has something good. I don't have as much money as I would like for my surety, but at least I still have some (and a roof over my head and food on my table). I don't have as many books as I like (I never will, I know this), but at least I have a library card and a kindle. I don't have it all, but at least I have dreams. I am going to get married to the man of my dreams in June (next month!) (34 days exactly, but who's counting? 😉)and I want to be as prepared for that joy as possible. I'm alright to cross the street as long as you hold my hand. Dreams sustain me, in other words. Dreams coming true, I greatly anticipate. As far as a dream vacation goes, Michael is taking me to a place in Florida on our honeymoon to a hotel placed close to the bay. (Apparently, according to him, everywhere in Florida is close to the ocean. I'm still a beginner...) He was born and raised in a town in Florida, so I'm somewhat glad to be a beginner in this aspect of my life. 🌞💗 It is okay to dream what you are able, but it is also okay if you are shown what you dreamed, that you didn't even know that you dreamt about. With me? Then, you can make prospective goals. 

April Showers...

 I don't know what your particular emotions are on the uneven types of weather, such as this one, but trust me, when it showers/rains, it is a good thing! It means that it is finally Spring (or is the evidence, rather when the flowers bloom, and people are sneezing from the pollen flying everywhere in May?)! Bother...it is a good thing! It is when the earth is finally ready to show that it is ready to spring (sorry, the best I could come up with), much like a bunny (oh, good one!) out of a groggy, dismal, seemingly eternal winter (I don't think I can say this enough) finally. No more snow days where the earth seems like it is in a bad mood, so you immediately think that you have the excuse to be in a bad mood (though it is rainy...so it is not much better...) (it must rain in order to bring forth new life!), or personally, for me, I am moving to Idaho soon (I know), so currently I am seeing my last few days of working at one of my town's movie theaters (yes, we are still open, even in this pandemic, we are just barely starting to see good movies with some business, like Godzilla vs. Kong or...other movies), or on this day exactly, it is two months until the day I get married...but you're moving too fast there (I wish it would move faster 😉), these are my monthly goals for the month of April!

1) Enjoy and celebrate Rushton & Tara's wedding.-Yes, it is true, before I am getting married this year, my sister is. She is getting married this week, in fact, in the same place that I plan to get married. Goodness, it must be hard on my parents to let go of their last two children so near to each other, but you can't deny nature. You meet the right guy, or...man when you meet the right man, and no one should have anything to say about it (other than the slamming heart while you are with one another). Maybe this wedding could be a practice for me since as of right now, I have never been to a ceremony done in the temple, so I guess this could be a preview. Not to say that I don't wish my sister and her husband all the happiness in the world, because I do, it is just that I am feeling a strange emotion of anticipation, don't worry, this mood is not new to me. Butterflies are already erupting in my stomach, and this isn't even my wedding! I guess that in this current deal that we are in with COVID-19, I don't know what to expect for this occasion (trust me, I hate that...it is like the Godzilla movie I mentioned earlier, it is crazy popular at the theater, but it is a Godzilla movie, everyone knows how it is going to end). Not my wedding, so I shouldn't worry about it. Tidbit about me: I worry about EVERYTHING unreasonable. That is what created, or formed this particular goal to sit back, relax, and just enjoy (or celebrate) Rushton and Tara's wedding (I'll send you kisses from over here in Colorado to you, Mikey, my love 💕).

2) Use creativity to break up monotonous days (with painting of writing, possibly...).-I do enjoy being creative extensively...maybe too extensively, if that is even possible, I also love doing what I can to help out in the world (I know that creativity and service is a good oxymoron, but hold on, this idea could turn into something that's beautiful...creative or not, I'm confusing myself). I have recently started a YouTube channel dedicated to my weekly ponderizing to help myself find an outlet for things like this. I have only made a few videos so far, but it is actually pretty fun. I put one new video out every week on Sunday, studying and mentioning my thoughts on a particular scripture and how it connects to me in my life. I post the videos on Facebook too, if you happen to not be that YouTube savvy. That activity helps me break up the monotony on Sunday, but arguably, that is only one day a week. I want that shower to be on my life every single day or rather as much as I can possibly fit it in. I recently submitted my response to a story prompt on Reedsy with a little something on the myth where Loki gets banished, or punished for eternity, or at least until Ragnorok. It is a common Norse myth (don't believe everything that the movie tells you, because Loki is the trickster god, and death is just a part of life that we all must go through), but I decided to tell it from the not too often seen where he is the antagonist perspective of Loki. Actually, my inspiration came from a friend who told me of a story that they are writing, or rather planning where the bad guy isn't the same as what everyone thinks according to tradition. I thought that was interesting (since my storytelling is classic, and often cliche), so I decided to have my own go at it. Another tidbit about me, in one of my favorite high school classes a few years ago, one of my nicknames was Loki since I was a bit unexpected and my writing could go anywhere, as far as the story that it told. I also still am working on a story that I hope to finish someday soon that takes place right in our future. It isn't and never will be like Gerald N. Lund's The Alliance, or one of the stories in The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins or the like, but it means to offer a new perspective of what is happening through the viewpoint of one person that everyone is blaming, but no one can ever do everything bad by themselves (we aren't all a god of mischief). Also, as long as I am talking about creativity, I recently saw this fun paint-by-number thing at my Nona's house in California that was awfully artistic. I fell in love with it immediately. Since my birthday is in April, I included it on my wish list for something artistic...hopefully not assuming too much, thank you. (It is only one week away!)

3) Create a cleaning schedule for your apartment.-This is one easier said than done...or maybe I just haven't learned it yet, hence this goal. I am moving back up to Idaho in a few days to my own place, where I will live by myself for a couple of months, so I need to learn how to keep this habit, even while I have no one in particular to impress. Having one of these said schedules will greatly help me to manage my time and make the chore, or chores more bearable than anything else, really. I know this is true. When I was a little girl, still sleeping on the top bunk of mine and my sister's bunk bed (she got the bottom), before I was in a car accident that nabbed me of all my climbing and/or physical athletic activities, I tried to make my green bed everyday before breakfast, or at least before school, and doing this made it easier to think, helped clear my mind a little (which was why it was a good before-school activity). This showed me that having a cleaning routine made, and will make (because I'm not dead yet) it easier to acquire all of the cleaning solutions for the task at hand. Clean room (or house)=Happy (less crazy 😜) me. I have to start somewhere. 

4) Create meal ideas for different food.-Becoming a chef is a dream, though I try to keep the dream more realistic, at least for the moment. Maybe I should try and watch the cooking channel a bit less...no I thought I was being realistic. (And also for the argument, it isn't even the cooking channel anymore, or rather it is episodes and series that I find about cooking on Netflix, or Disney+. Currently, I am watching a version of Nailed It, but in Spanish (with the translation, I am nowhere near that good.) Right now I am cooking, or making myself sandwiches when I can, and I consider that an accomplishment since I am one-handed. My mother and others want me to stop making desserts, don't worry, I am, with things like this soup recipe and the like. Sandwiches, soups, and I also know how to make salads (but arguably, who doesn't?). Does anyone have a simple recipe that helps constitute a meal that I can make out there that doesn't start with an s? It would be much appreciated if you gave it to me. I'm hanging by a string here! (Also, this excuse is good...it just isn't the best for your health. 😋) Also a healthy, simmple recipe following the picture...

Simple Tomato Soup

-1 Tablespoon tomato paste

-200 Grams chopped fresh tomatoes

-1 clove garlic, chopped

-150 Milliliters vegetable broth

1 Handful whole grain pasta

5) Go on walks as much as possible.-It is true. I do like cake, or rather, I love cake but I also love going on walks. Ever since I was little, I loved going on walks to basically anywhere, of course when you put the slight handicap that I earned when I was 11 years old, there had to be some stipulations put on me as to where and when I was able to walk. For one, they weren't allowed to be that long anymore (I have tripped and fallen more times than I would like to admit...once I even broke my nose) (do not try to walk quickly in the middle of winter where you know that you are walking on the icy ground--I'm no skater), and it is always better if I walk with another person (though I break this rule often...yes, I have tripped and fallen and bruised my face and/or knee more times than I like to admit, but with every one of those falls, I learned something more in the art of walking). I learned how to fall, and get myself back up again, particularly, not to quote Batman, because I have never fallen down a well, wherein my fear of bats was originated. I learned how to fall, which hip is preferable that I fall into, or toward. I learned how to not fall on my mouth (along with bone-breaking, I have fallen and cracked my smile, needing replacement with artificial teeth and my jaw is in a little bit of a different place now and gets sore more often) (shut your perfect, God-given mouth about it). My family has looked into getting me a therapy dog, seeing that going on walks isn't something that I plan to stop soon, or ever so that I have a place to fall if I ever do fall...because I will. With that one, I have my worries too, since I am moving away in less than a month. What if the place that I live doesn't permit dogs? What if I never fall again? What if I don't really need it (I don't really want to pay for it...dogs are great, but they are just one more thing that gets added to the bill)? Here's a picture of my niece, Claira standing with her kid (get it? since it's a goat.). What a workout! 

6) Practice putting make-up on daily with different hairstyles.-Okay, confession time (waited until the 6th goal for that, that's good), when of all the blessings that the world has to offer, you are blessed with one able hand, it is really hard to do your hair. I can brush it, put hairclips in it, and put a headband in it...but that is about it. Several people have told me that they like it better when I leave my hair down anyway, and though this makes me feel some better, I still feel that I have plenty of untapped potentials that I can, and should recognize! For one, I have looked up how to braid your own hair if you have one hand, and though it looks really difficult, especially if you happen to have short hair like little old me, it is possible. Anything is possible. There may be doubters out there that need to be reminded of that. In fact, I have braided my hair once...it was really flimsy and it fell out of my hair, but I did do it. Maybe I need to realize that I can't become better at doing any activity if I don't practice (welcome to my life 😝). So, if I need to practice, I should only practice and I will get better. This can apply to several different ideas, like playing the piano (or any instrument), knitting, or sewing (all of which I have done...except for any instrument that tried to attach with absolutely anyone, I only know how to play the piano) (Michael knows how to play the violin, but I digress). Also, the reason why I threw the little part about practicing putting make-up on too is this: when I can't put my hair up, I feel like a less-than, like I shouldn't even try. This is a really bad practice. Everybody is worth something, even if they feel like they aren't worth anything. That little voice on your shoulder (I like to call him the devil-angel, talks like a devil, but sounds like an angel) (not to mock any of my favorite singers out there, like Brendon Urie...I still love the way that his voice sounds, so sue me (actually...don't) telling you you are way less than you ever could even dream of being is wrong, don't listen to it. Don't give yourself up. Just try. You never know unless you try, and if you fail, try again. Don't hide behind that fan, show who you really are! (Also, if you don't know who Brendon Urie is...trust me, he has a really good voice.)

7) Read Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis for the book club.-My book club is really getting a start, finally...who said that? I did, and I was thanking you. It is now taking suggestions, and this comes from one member that said that they really like the Narnia books, by Clive Staples Lewis (no wonder why he went by only his initials in his pen name) so looking at our yearly book challenge, I decided to choose one for our April monthly read this year, since it has a twist (kind of like April Fools), at least it did for me. Personally, I did not know that Caspian wasn't even a Narnian (although, strictly speaking, the old kings and queens aren't Narnian originally either, coming from the wardrobe). Maybe that is the reason for the struggle in his rule...no, for the same reason as before. (Forgive me, I am not that far in my read as of yet, I have only read one chapter.) Don't get me wrong, I have read the Narnia books by this genius of an author, it has just been too long since I last read them. Bring it. Sometimes the best parts of reality lie in fantasy. 

Rains, come on down! I dare you...😉

If I'm Improving...

 It's March...I can't say finally, because I wasn't particularly looking forward to it (if I'm looking forward to anything, it is June 😘) (if you get me?). I can't really think of any clever cliches for this month that commemorate the beginning of Spring (at least where I live) like "April showers bring May flowers" or aaacho! (I have allergies that annoy me in April-specifically the week of my birthday...not the best way to recognize, but it is one way to remember it...) I got it! It is the month that includes St. Patrick's Day, but I recently read something on how fake that holiday is (just a day for Americans to feel Irish), and not a bit of my blood is Irish (if that counts...pinch me) (sorry, but that is a stupid tradition). In other words, I prefer treating that holiday just like any other day, although my older brother, Ty served part of his mission so perhaps I should ask him how to celebrate once the day comes since he actually lived there for a bit. Not that I'm meaning to sell short any birthday that happens to be at the beginning of spring either, because my older sister, Bree, and two of my nieces, Hadley and Claira have birthdays at the beginning of Spring too this month. (Perhaps one of my goals should be looking on the bright side more...) (I personally think that I am just having a difficult time transferring from lethargic February to springy March, please forgive me, it is only March 6th when I am writing this.)

1) Set aside one hour every day to do something creative. I am not acting lethargic, I promise you. This goal is just spring to get me going with writing again in March (kind of like the Energizer Bunny...is that comparison correct?). I recently started a new story in my free-writing that explores ideas that I'm new to, at least in writing about, so I need a friend to a friend. Its setting lay in the future, in the land that used to be America that is called Ruosdilxm. Countries are always taking over countries, and I fear that will happen to humble (ha!) us again sometime in the future. I recently did a study of the Aztecs, which really got me thinking, what if somebody takes over people again taking things that aren't theirs just like we did to them (same thing with the Native Americans, though I didn't look that deeply into who used to inhabit my country in my research) (I know, you don't know where you are going until you know where you have been). So, I am telling a story from the perspective of this new, future country's future ruler, Natasha Skinner, and even though we all dream of an easier future, at least I believe, it isn't any easier for her to rule over a nation becoming more and more rebellious each day. Some of her prisoners (we all are prisoners to humanity when you think about it, Natasha just brings it further) are pretending to side with her, like the mischievous scientist, Amor Cherith plus the person that she overtook, Elijah Peake. So far I only have about one page written down in my writer's notebook but so far, I am seeing lots of potential and different ideas creating themselves off of this idea, that is why I need to be more diligent in developing a free writing time in which I just let ideas flow from pen to page without hesitation. I hope I can, though I love to write, I also have a job and schoolwork which I intend to take care of first. The world would be so much easier if I were more diligent in scheduling each of my days, and still left time for dreaming...wait, I think I have an idea there.

2) Bake two new recipes. Just in case you have been living under a rock for some time, here is a little "me fact": I love baking, or more of I love dreaming (how different can the two ideas be, really?). I love watching the baking channel and continue to dream, though I admit I like the outcome far better on shows like Great British Baking Show than the ones on Nailed It! The most recent thing that I allowed myself to learn was how to bake (or is it make, since there is absolutely no oven involved?) a salad. This recipe I can give to you in a sentence: find vegetables, whoop them together, and add a special dressing or vinaigrette to improve the flavor (I've always been a Ranch girl, myself, but they are several things in my fridge which I have the possibility of trying in the future). True, a salad is a smart meal to prepare if you have to leave in half an hour for your evening shift at work, which I did, but what about if I have time to make something bigger and better? (I make myself laugh.) I'm still dreaming on cloud 9 with this perspective, but you never learn (or know), unless you try something. I have quite a few recipes that I would like to try, that I either saw on television, saw somebody else make (I believe in myself way too much...if that is even possible), or fished from one of my own cookbooks (that I either got from my Bree or my old ward) (okay, they aren't exactly my cookbooks!). Included in this list are a Peppermint Oreo Milkshake, Fruit Cobbler, Pumpkin Banana Bread, and many others (and people say I have a bad memory!). I know, I know, none of those are good, healthy main dishes. You always have to start out with training wheels (unless you are Hadley) when you are learning to ride a bike, so these recipes are my training wheels more of. I have even talked to my fiancee, Michael about this goal (promising him dessert after every meal if he bakes something too). He laughs as he agrees resolutely. A lot of his blood is Italian so he is really good and used to cooking too, maybe he is even better than me (scratch that, I know he is better than me 😋). (I love this picture!)

3) Workout at least three times a week. Maybe I should correct this goal, or had been more specific. Let me explain: I do some yoga almost every day, it helps in the lifelong goal to relax my body but seeing that that goal is already met (at least in part, I'm not dead yet) I'm referring to more physical workouts, like biking, running, or playing a sport, seeing that it is March, the beginning of Spring, and the beginning of the part of the year that is more for outdoor sports. Admittedly, when I was younger, the sports I enjoyed doing the most were sports designed, or played during different seasons. I liked playing basketball with my friends, and basketball is a winter sport (since it is played indoors most often unless you have a basketball hoop set up outside (my family used too, but let's just say it been a while since anyone played with it, or was interested in doing so). Also, when I was younger, I was at the top of my swim lessons class (and no one could mock me for how short I was there, since we were in the water and I knew how to tread water at an early age, so it was kind of like we were the same height, as long as I stayed in the water). This was before I could really get into the sport, or even knew that there was a swim team at my school (thinking about it, I probably wasn't even that good), but life still went on and I received a TBI in my car accident mishap and I forgot everything that I knew about swimming. Before I make myself even more sad, let's talk about something else. The sports are minimal that I can participate in now, but I can still walk, bike, or maybe learn to swim again (I have heard of special lessons for people like me) so I need to keep up and keep happy at least three times a week with these. (Also, on a sort of related note, I am trying to eat no sugar for at least 21 days...with three birthdays coming. Wish me luck!) One of the first dates (I think the third...) Michael and I went on was a walk (me in my Run Across America t-shirt and his that has a joke on it, so this picture sort of applies.)

4) Be noticeably grateful (blog, Instagram about it) four times. I didn't know just how much I needed a goal like this one until today. It is easy to be down in the dumps, counting your problems instead of celebrating them (how deep of a thinker are you?) especially if it is not a month like November...or June (just thinking out loud). Recently, I was challenged to be more grateful than usual and post about it on Instagram or Twitter every day. Since I am not the type of person that posts necessarily every day, I was resolute (or thought I was resolute) in my response of "no." But then, I got the dastardly chance to think about it. I was not pleased with the outcome of the recent election, I still have to work every day, and I have a million other problems (a million, that's why I don't blog about them all that often). I tried to let that thought of "you had a chance to be grateful and you just let it pass you by, for some reason or other" but it kept coming back, for one reason or another. I decided, finally that someone was trying to put their foot down with me (perhaps God) when I looked at ways to prepare for General Conference (coming the first week in April, read all about it here) and included in that list was the simple, yet not so simple at the same time act of being grateful for all that you have. When I read that, I was reminded of my friend's challenge to me of posting what I am grateful for. Since everything happens for a reason, no matter how much I like to pretend that that isn't so, I accept her challenge (sort of). I am going to post one thing that I am grateful for every week on my Instagram. Got to start somewhere, and as long as you are reading this, I put forward that challenge to you also. (As long as we're talking about it, Bible verses help my sense of calm also.)

5) Have a book club meetup at least once. Gosh, this quarantine, am I right or am I right? True now, I am grateful for things that I discovered staying home all the time (slipping slowly into madness...okay, I'm done) that were more than a dead rat under my bed (just an idea, there are no dead rats in my house!). For one, my book club grew into something that I thought was bigger than it ever would or could grow to be. A grain of rice is much larger to some people, and this is my grain of rice. This goal may be a particularly crazy one because as of now, my book club is not made up of members that are even in the same country as me...but some of them are in the same town as me, or just the next town over from mine, so maybe we could do something one night. For one, we could watch that "Spiderwick Chronicles" movie together this month since the book we are reading together happens to be by Holly Black too. I don't know where we would watch it yet. Does anyone have it, because I don't? This goal is still a tadpole, but I am making and writing it anyway. This goal is crazy at this time, but not as crazy as some of Rowling or Beethoven's ideas, and look where they are now? I think too much, but to anyone who would like to know more about it, just look here. ✌

6) Take a calligraphy class. My handwriting is an interesting story, since I don't have that much longer let me summarize it for you. I learned to handwrite the same way as anyone would, I guess. When I was in my elementary school years, I learned where to curve the letters and where to keep them straight and I aced every single worksheet that I was given. But there is more, my primary handwriting lessons occurred while I was right-handed when the left side of my body was injured so the right side didn't work near as well and had to be in a cast near all the time, it was a different story. Now, I had to relearn everything with my non-dominant hand. Not cool. It is just as hard as it sounds, if not harder. My first year back at school after receiving my injury, I had a para help me take notes that I could read. (Hi, Ms. Wible!) Though it was only a year and I'm grateful that I had the help, my handwriting only became a little more legible in that time. I still cross my t's way too close to the top and you can't really tell my c's and my e's apart (sorry, to all my teachers!), but that doesn't mean that I have given up. My mother tells me that the person she knows with the best handwriting is my Aunt Diana (one of her sisters) and that she got it right after taking a class on calligraphy. That is why I found some classes on calligraphy online, to help me improve my natural handwriting. (If Michael happens to be reading this, I still bet my handwriting is worse! 😉)