What's a girl in love to do?

I did not necessarily do the best, the most top-notch job at my goals last month, but I am still in the process of giving myself a break. Bad excuse?? I don't think so. I am still trying to fit in the groove of living in a new place, trying to fit in reasonable amounts of time daily to get my classes and schoolwork done (talk about goals that I should have... never mind), and oh, I am getting married later today. 💖 If that one doesn't take the cake, I don't know what will. (In addition to marrying the man of my dreams, I am in high anticipation of finally getting to eat that delicious cake that my sister-in-law, Emily Gardner baked for my special day, plus I just haven't eaten a cake in a while in my pre-wedding diet, though that is just a slight sharp in a chorus of flats.) Anyway, if you reach for the sky and you miss, at least you are among the stars. ⭐

1) Start attending the self-reliance classes my neighbors, Conor and Mati are offering with Mike. 

Before I go on about this particular aim, I would like to make one thing painfully clear. I have been working on becoming self-reliant because sometimes the only one that I find that I truly can rely on is myself. It is a sad fact of life, but it is true. I found this startling fact in its essence of truth, particularly after my car accident. Not to sell any of you shart out there, because if you did something to help me get through that part of my life, I was grateful then, am grateful now, and will be forevermore, let me divulge into the point I was trying to make with these sentences if they remain to make no sense at all to you. Lots of giving, generous, charitable people out there did take out the little parts of them for me, but the injury that I received from the car accident still remains one of the types that confound all, because of how difficult that it is to understand in specifics. I received a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) which means that my head was rattled so very hard, that it now is harder to function on the right side of my body because of the way in which I was hit. Since there are about a million ways, if not more, or so I believe that someone unlucky can be hit in a way similar to the way that I was, there are a million, if not more ways that one may be injured in a way similar (in a way that ceases to be similar at all) to the way in which I was hit. All of my doctors and therapists that helped me to recover after the accident were very helpful, and I am very grateful because they all played their part in helping me to reach where I am today, but they also helped me realize that I don't get any better unless I decide to do so. I need to learn to rely more on myself. I need to learn to become more self-reliant. Admittedly, I have already missed some of these classes which my neighbors invited me to (either by lack of attendance, or honeymoon, as the reason, will be this coming week) (what is self-reliance again?), but I will still try my hardest to go to as many of these limited class numbers as I can, and of Michael, please help me! (I always seem to do better if I have someone more than just myself to rely on...not that a handicap like that is a good thing, it just certainly isn't a bad thing.) 

2) Purchase something to improve your life. I would like to highlight or rather jump back to the little paragraph that I wrote at the beginning of this post, where I was feeling downtrodden on myself because I didn't feel at all accomplished in my goals last month (or any month 😞), where I sure was reminding myself that I am my own worst any enemy (even if I do not always realize it) and was just feeling crummy about myself because I certainly am the worst. STOP IT! I am speaking to one and all here (including myself). It happens to us all sometimes. I know this to be true. We all feel that violin in our ear playing out "My Heart Bleeds For You" because we really do think that we are the worst, though that is truly the last thing that any of us are. As Jack Sparrow said, "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." In other words, everyone is their own worst enemy, but that shouldn't get any of us down! There is always room, plus time for improvement on any day. Don't sweat it that much, really. I have a point. Also, if you continue feeling just plain awful about yourself, you can turn to your scriptures and read about the Atonement and Resurrection. Christ went through all that suffering for you, so you must matter! Anyway, my point with this goal; I already find myself buying more items than I need at the store, or maybe I just really hate spending precious money, especially when I have one of the lowest-paying jobs in Rexburg (or maybe I'm just hungry right now...), but I need a better, more comfortable pattern to my shopping. I need bread for toast, peanut butter for sandwiches, and berries for anti-oxidants. All these things help me, it's true (and they taste good 😋), I just need a simpler pattern of listing them from a layer of most important to least, maybe...or I need to realize that the world isn't ending...yet. 

3) Run one mile every day. In case you need it again, here is another vibrant flashback for you: I don't run. I haven't run for over a decade. Now, not to say that I am lazy because I don't think I am. I am a real hard worker, or at least I fancy myself as one. This is just playing the record of my life, I can't do a lot of things now because of the car accident that I was in, and running is one of them. Jeff, one of my greatest therapists explained it in a way preferable to me when he said that any exercise that a normal person would do is double for me, because of my handicap. I don't run, but that doesn't mean that I haven't tried. I find it easier to walk quickly if I'm listening to my quick-beat pop music. It is almost natural (just make sure I know where I am putting my foot--I have tripped, fallen, and broken my face more than once). My job at DI (Deseret Industries) is practically walking around nonstop and straightening certain areas of the store, but since I get paid for that, I don't count it as exercise. I should edit this goal, run, or walk one mile a day in a setting that is preferable not a store (though I can spend over an hour arousing Walmart weekly, I don't count that, or shouldn't because lots of that time is spent looking at products, searching for my needs, accessibility, or the cheapest price). 

4) Set alarm for sunrise everyday. Okay, cards on the table. I have almost always considered myself an early bird. No matter what time I went to sleep the night before, I got up at a decently early time the next day. Let me detail. It has always been like this. When I was really young, I strangely looked forward to getting up real early to help my parents through newspapers on a paper route around town (who cared that I had school later that day? I would be just as awake for my school hours during the Math test that I knew I would receive a B- on), what can I say? I had a strange, young, innocent mind. I miss those days, startlingly, when I compare them to some that I encounter now (excluding today, I have been antsy about marriage my whole entire life). Here is what I am talking about: I have a job that I have to get to if I want enough money to help put food on the table (I still don't trust that mac-n-cheese that Mike recently put in the cabinet), I have classes that I have to pass (and have enough time to pass, strictly speaking), and I have to set apart workout time (who cares if it is midnight or past midnight?) to sustain a healthy functioning body. I guess that is why I set this goal, in itself. I believe in starting every one of my days in a relaxed tone, even if the rest of my day that I am looking forward to isn't relaxing at all. That is why I set the time for sunrise (one of the best times for relaxing yoga 욗). Namaste. 

5) Sleep with phone in another room. This is going to be a tough one, nevertheless, I am relentless (and know that I can do it, I have done it before)! What can I say, bad habits are hard to break? Nevertheless, they are possible to break. My main issue with this one is I like listening to quiet music (not the music that I plan to walk to, or dance to during my quick workout) as I go to sleep, and I like it to be audible, so I usually just throw my phone across my bed, put on my sleep mask, and go to sleep...I wish it were that simple. Stay with me: phones are a little like little computers, so they can contain the world within them, and with that a million (if not more) distractions. I have become better at controlling myself through the years (I don't need to know what happens in the next chapter that much, What happens in other people's lives makes no difference to mine, or my favorite, Mike is probably really tired too), but I could always do better. That is why I create this goal. To create a good habit that will help me to sustain another good habit. Not to be an empty echo in a lone cave, but if you happen to be reading this, love, could you help a goal out? I know that helping one another to create new, better selves would sure be appreciated, certainly on my side, at least. 💕 Thank you! Have to walk before you can run. 

💋 I love you, Michael! 💋

(This picture was taken on one of our first dates, little did we know that our time together would just become more and more enjoyable and it wouldn't only be stopping for a sandwich together 💘.) What's a girl in love to do? 😍