What's a girl in love to do?

I did not necessarily do the best, the most top-notch job at my goals last month, but I am still in the process of giving myself a break. Bad excuse?? I don't think so. I am still trying to fit in the groove of living in a new place, trying to fit in reasonable amounts of time daily to get my classes and schoolwork done (talk about goals that I should have... never mind), and oh, I am getting married later today. 💖 If that one doesn't take the cake, I don't know what will. (In addition to marrying the man of my dreams, I am in high anticipation of finally getting to eat that delicious cake that my sister-in-law, Emily Gardner baked for my special day, plus I just haven't eaten a cake in a while in my pre-wedding diet, though that is just a slight sharp in a chorus of flats.) Anyway, if you reach for the sky and you miss, at least you are among the stars. ⭐

1) Start attending the self-reliance classes my neighbors, Conor and Mati are offering with Mike. 

Before I go on about this particular aim, I would like to make one thing painfully clear. I have been working on becoming self-reliant because sometimes the only one that I find that I truly can rely on is myself. It is a sad fact of life, but it is true. I found this startling fact in its essence of truth, particularly after my car accident. Not to sell any of you shart out there, because if you did something to help me get through that part of my life, I was grateful then, am grateful now, and will be forevermore, let me divulge into the point I was trying to make with these sentences if they remain to make no sense at all to you. Lots of giving, generous, charitable people out there did take out the little parts of them for me, but the injury that I received from the car accident still remains one of the types that confound all, because of how difficult that it is to understand in specifics. I received a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) which means that my head was rattled so very hard, that it now is harder to function on the right side of my body because of the way in which I was hit. Since there are about a million ways, if not more, or so I believe that someone unlucky can be hit in a way similar to the way that I was, there are a million, if not more ways that one may be injured in a way similar (in a way that ceases to be similar at all) to the way in which I was hit. All of my doctors and therapists that helped me to recover after the accident were very helpful, and I am very grateful because they all played their part in helping me to reach where I am today, but they also helped me realize that I don't get any better unless I decide to do so. I need to learn to rely more on myself. I need to learn to become more self-reliant. Admittedly, I have already missed some of these classes which my neighbors invited me to (either by lack of attendance, or honeymoon, as the reason, will be this coming week) (what is self-reliance again?), but I will still try my hardest to go to as many of these limited class numbers as I can, and of Michael, please help me! (I always seem to do better if I have someone more than just myself to rely on...not that a handicap like that is a good thing, it just certainly isn't a bad thing.) 

2) Purchase something to improve your life. I would like to highlight or rather jump back to the little paragraph that I wrote at the beginning of this post, where I was feeling downtrodden on myself because I didn't feel at all accomplished in my goals last month (or any month 😞), where I sure was reminding myself that I am my own worst any enemy (even if I do not always realize it) and was just feeling crummy about myself because I certainly am the worst. STOP IT! I am speaking to one and all here (including myself). It happens to us all sometimes. I know this to be true. We all feel that violin in our ear playing out "My Heart Bleeds For You" because we really do think that we are the worst, though that is truly the last thing that any of us are. As Jack Sparrow said, "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." In other words, everyone is their own worst enemy, but that shouldn't get any of us down! There is always room, plus time for improvement on any day. Don't sweat it that much, really. I have a point. Also, if you continue feeling just plain awful about yourself, you can turn to your scriptures and read about the Atonement and Resurrection. Christ went through all that suffering for you, so you must matter! Anyway, my point with this goal; I already find myself buying more items than I need at the store, or maybe I just really hate spending precious money, especially when I have one of the lowest-paying jobs in Rexburg (or maybe I'm just hungry right now...), but I need a better, more comfortable pattern to my shopping. I need bread for toast, peanut butter for sandwiches, and berries for anti-oxidants. All these things help me, it's true (and they taste good 😋), I just need a simpler pattern of listing them from a layer of most important to least, maybe...or I need to realize that the world isn't ending...yet. 

3) Run one mile every day. In case you need it again, here is another vibrant flashback for you: I don't run. I haven't run for over a decade. Now, not to say that I am lazy because I don't think I am. I am a real hard worker, or at least I fancy myself as one. This is just playing the record of my life, I can't do a lot of things now because of the car accident that I was in, and running is one of them. Jeff, one of my greatest therapists explained it in a way preferable to me when he said that any exercise that a normal person would do is double for me, because of my handicap. I don't run, but that doesn't mean that I haven't tried. I find it easier to walk quickly if I'm listening to my quick-beat pop music. It is almost natural (just make sure I know where I am putting my foot--I have tripped, fallen, and broken my face more than once). My job at DI (Deseret Industries) is practically walking around nonstop and straightening certain areas of the store, but since I get paid for that, I don't count it as exercise. I should edit this goal, run, or walk one mile a day in a setting that is preferable not a store (though I can spend over an hour arousing Walmart weekly, I don't count that, or shouldn't because lots of that time is spent looking at products, searching for my needs, accessibility, or the cheapest price). 

4) Set alarm for sunrise everyday. Okay, cards on the table. I have almost always considered myself an early bird. No matter what time I went to sleep the night before, I got up at a decently early time the next day. Let me detail. It has always been like this. When I was really young, I strangely looked forward to getting up real early to help my parents through newspapers on a paper route around town (who cared that I had school later that day? I would be just as awake for my school hours during the Math test that I knew I would receive a B- on), what can I say? I had a strange, young, innocent mind. I miss those days, startlingly, when I compare them to some that I encounter now (excluding today, I have been antsy about marriage my whole entire life). Here is what I am talking about: I have a job that I have to get to if I want enough money to help put food on the table (I still don't trust that mac-n-cheese that Mike recently put in the cabinet), I have classes that I have to pass (and have enough time to pass, strictly speaking), and I have to set apart workout time (who cares if it is midnight or past midnight?) to sustain a healthy functioning body. I guess that is why I set this goal, in itself. I believe in starting every one of my days in a relaxed tone, even if the rest of my day that I am looking forward to isn't relaxing at all. That is why I set the time for sunrise (one of the best times for relaxing yoga 욗). Namaste. 

5) Sleep with phone in another room. This is going to be a tough one, nevertheless, I am relentless (and know that I can do it, I have done it before)! What can I say, bad habits are hard to break? Nevertheless, they are possible to break. My main issue with this one is I like listening to quiet music (not the music that I plan to walk to, or dance to during my quick workout) as I go to sleep, and I like it to be audible, so I usually just throw my phone across my bed, put on my sleep mask, and go to sleep...I wish it were that simple. Stay with me: phones are a little like little computers, so they can contain the world within them, and with that a million (if not more) distractions. I have become better at controlling myself through the years (I don't need to know what happens in the next chapter that much, What happens in other people's lives makes no difference to mine, or my favorite, Mike is probably really tired too), but I could always do better. That is why I create this goal. To create a good habit that will help me to sustain another good habit. Not to be an empty echo in a lone cave, but if you happen to be reading this, love, could you help a goal out? I know that helping one another to create new, better selves would sure be appreciated, certainly on my side, at least. 💕 Thank you! Have to walk before you can run. 

💋 I love you, Michael! 💋

(This picture was taken on one of our first dates, little did we know that our time together would just become more and more enjoyable and it wouldn't only be stopping for a sandwich together 💘.) What's a girl in love to do? 😍

I'm still a beginner...

 Now, you probably didn't decide to read this blog post to receive at least some of my philosophical views, but you are going to get them. (As long as we are on that groove, why did you read this? I would love to hear it in the comments! ❤) Actually, let's be honest with one another, shall we? I'm really tired, didn't fall asleep until late last night, and just lost $2 to get my laundry done. I know it isn't that much but I don't like spending money and back in the days before I paid to get a load done, I considered doing my laundry relaxing and would sometimes do it more than once a week because it always helped me to reach my zen. That isn't the story anymore. I am grateful that I still have a place where I can wash and dry my clothes, don't get me wrong, I just find the humid, noisy, groggy, sad place a little less relaxing. Maybe I'm just a beginner...yes, that's it. I know life is hard, but I try to make it the best that I can (I already vacuumed this morning if that counts 😜). In other words, here is my monthly post on my goals, may the odds be ever in my favor because of it. 

1) Do a no-spend challenge. 

I don't mean to address myself as an introvert...wait, maybe I do, keep reading but it is pretty tough not spending every dime (and nickel, and quarter, and penny) that I own every time that I go to the store, but I also support life of frugality. I always have. I remember when I was still in Young Women's, I started a lifestyle of tracking everything that I spent for a week, and though I had a very low income anyway, it introduced me to the idea that a penny saved is a penny earned. Strictly speaking though, that was a really long time ago, and back then I didn't have to go grocery shopping once a week in order to live (or stuff way too many quarters in the dryer to get it to actually dry my clothes), so I need to look at my current lifestyle, and try to do something like that again. I need to hold onto my money if I can. Now, I am not introducing the idea that I starve (living off the two pizzas that I have in my freezer 😋), or not do my laundry at the end of each week, but I am proposing the thought that I actually look at, and think about my needs vs. my wants before I make an honest purchase. Let me illustrate, I am a bookworm (I promise that I have a point), and no matter what, in every single store, I always somehow end up in the section where they place their books that they are selling. Some people have hungry eyes among whatever, I particularly have them around books. I desperately need to know if the dragon does indeed get slain at the end, the guy gets the girl, or the confounding mystery becomes solved. I know this is something about me that makes me me, and I am proud of it (I could be buying as much chocolate as possible, but I don't...usually) sufficed to say. Unfortunately, that tricksy store doesn't always look at this idea positively, since every book is expensive (except for at the used book sale at my old library) (again, I am a frugal person), more often than not I am able to march out of that store without a single book in hand (unless an author recently put out a new book and I can't help myself) (that happened once!...so far). I guess I just like the smell of paper. Someday I will be a writer, but that will be after I complete this no-spend challenge (except for laundry...I have had nightmares about what would happen if I were to have too large a load to place in that place that looks, smells, and feels like a witch's cauldron) (I swear, my imagination is often my savior), with a book in hand, along with a cup of hot cocoa. 

2) Eat-in for 30 days straight. 

I dream of and hope that I am selling myself short with this next goal. I have always admired baking since a very young age. I did what any normal girl would do in the pink apron that my mother bought me, I baked cookies (the best chocolate chip cookies in the world). Now, I am not tooting my own horn. I got the recipe from my mom (as I believe we all did with whatever we were cooking when we were seven) and she knew just what the dough was supposed to look and feel like in order to create the greatest cookies in the world. If you learn from the best and try your best, the results will not taint. Not to say that cookies are the only thing that I bake and eat now because they aren't. (My chest hurts just thinking about it...why did I say that?) I know how to make a few things, but cookies were where my inspiration started. I can make calzones, grilled cheese, or soup, and much much more (just give me the recipe and I will try to keep my memory in check) today so I guess that this is part of m mission not to spend, I need to stop eating out. My fiancee even suggested to me that we can make a few things together, I'll handle the dessert while he does the main meal is what I mean...Also, in case you are a baker hiding his/her works in the closet like me, or you just want it, here is the aforementioned recipe to the greatest cookies in the world:

Chocolate Chip Pudding Cookies

2 1/4 cups

1 tsp. baking soda

1 1/2 tsp salt

1 cup butter

3/4 cups brown sugar

1/4 cup sugar

1 pkg instant vanilla pudding mix

1 tsp vanilla extract

2 eggs

12 oz chocolate chips

1 cup nuts (opt)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees

Combine the flour and baking soda. Set aside.

Mix the butter, brown sugar, white sugar, pudding mix, and vanilla. Beat until creamy. Add the eggs and mix well. Gradually stir in the flour mixture. Stir in the chocolate chips and the chopped nuts. Drop from teaspoon onto ungreased cookie sheets about 1 inch apart.

Bake at 375 degrees for 8 to 10 minutes. 

3) Make an extra $500

I know what you are thinking...a whole lot of these goals have something to do with money. I'm not saying that money is the only thing that matters, but I am being wary. No one really knows what is going to happen in the future and everyone should be prepared, so I am doing the best that I can by setting these goals. Also, show me a sad rich person that doesn't have a place to sleep and food on their table, and maybe I will think twice about these goals. Of course, that can be frustrating sometimes to the vain dreamers like you and me, but instead of complaining and taking the oft-traveled road in that yellow wood, I would much rather take advantage of my skills, be like them, and be willing and able to help my friends and family as the glorious mess I am, as Elizabeth Gilbert would say. Now, I am not going into this goal as a blind mouse dreaming and thinking something is there when it is not, but rather, a blind bat taking advantage of what they know. I don't expect that $500 will fall into my lap...though that would be nice. I need to work in order for this to happen. I can turn my skills into cash (if only someone would publish my works--any suggestions?), I can join the website that pays people for taking surveys (if I'm even willing to give that information..." gulp"), I can deliver with Uber Eats and get paid up to 5 times a day, or maybe the same with DoorDash. I'm just spitballing here. Do you happen to have any ideas of how I can earn up to $500 this month (or more...I'm a dreamer)?

4) Read "Ella Enchanted" by Gail Carson Levine for my book club.

This one goes a little deeper into my "I absolutely love everything about reading" trait. I am part of a book club. You can see more about it here. Right now, we are trying to read all the books suggested by our members (if you happen to have a suggestion for us, yourself, please don't be shy), and we are on this book next. Our member, and my sister, Bree suggested it. I remember first reading this book when I was 9 or 10 (or somewhere around that age) but I am happy to be reading it again at a much older age. Re-reading an old book is like visiting an old friend, in my eyes, and who knows? I might spot things in the story that I hadn't before. Here is a synopsis of this retelling of Cinderella-At birth, young Ella was given a thoughtless gift of obedience. 😖 Ella must obey any order that she is given, no matter if it happens to be a good command or even a bad one. It might be as silly as hopping on one foot all day or perhaps the vile one of chopping off her own head! Though this quality seems unchangeable, strong-willed Ella refuses to give to it, without fighting a little for freedom on her own. She quests, venturing to demolish this curse. She encounters ogres, giants, wicked stepsisters, fairy godmothers, and handsome princes in her own resolution to break this curse and somehow live happily ever after. I think this story can be compared to our current day, stay with me, with how governing powers may try to steal our agency in some way sometimes, yet if we steadfastly stand up for ourselves, we find that a happy life is indeed possible. 

5) Plan your dream vacation.

Wowza. I do live a busy life, nevertheless, it is a good one. At least I am not sitting around waiting until I die, and thornbushes still have roses. Everything bad has something good. I don't have as much money as I would like for my surety, but at least I still have some (and a roof over my head and food on my table). I don't have as many books as I like (I never will, I know this), but at least I have a library card and a kindle. I don't have it all, but at least I have dreams. I am going to get married to the man of my dreams in June (next month!) (34 days exactly, but who's counting? 😉)and I want to be as prepared for that joy as possible. I'm alright to cross the street as long as you hold my hand. Dreams sustain me, in other words. Dreams coming true, I greatly anticipate. As far as a dream vacation goes, Michael is taking me to a place in Florida on our honeymoon to a hotel placed close to the bay. (Apparently, according to him, everywhere in Florida is close to the ocean. I'm still a beginner...) He was born and raised in a town in Florida, so I'm somewhat glad to be a beginner in this aspect of my life. 🌞💗 It is okay to dream what you are able, but it is also okay if you are shown what you dreamed, that you didn't even know that you dreamt about. With me? Then, you can make prospective goals. 

April Showers...

 I don't know what your particular emotions are on the uneven types of weather, such as this one, but trust me, when it showers/rains, it is a good thing! It means that it is finally Spring (or is the evidence, rather when the flowers bloom, and people are sneezing from the pollen flying everywhere in May?)! Bother...it is a good thing! It is when the earth is finally ready to show that it is ready to spring (sorry, the best I could come up with), much like a bunny (oh, good one!) out of a groggy, dismal, seemingly eternal winter (I don't think I can say this enough) finally. No more snow days where the earth seems like it is in a bad mood, so you immediately think that you have the excuse to be in a bad mood (though it is rainy...so it is not much better...) (it must rain in order to bring forth new life!), or personally, for me, I am moving to Idaho soon (I know), so currently I am seeing my last few days of working at one of my town's movie theaters (yes, we are still open, even in this pandemic, we are just barely starting to see good movies with some business, like Godzilla vs. Kong or...other movies), or on this day exactly, it is two months until the day I get married...but you're moving too fast there (I wish it would move faster 😉), these are my monthly goals for the month of April!

1) Enjoy and celebrate Rushton & Tara's wedding.-Yes, it is true, before I am getting married this year, my sister is. She is getting married this week, in fact, in the same place that I plan to get married. Goodness, it must be hard on my parents to let go of their last two children so near to each other, but you can't deny nature. You meet the right guy, or...man when you meet the right man, and no one should have anything to say about it (other than the slamming heart while you are with one another). Maybe this wedding could be a practice for me since as of right now, I have never been to a ceremony done in the temple, so I guess this could be a preview. Not to say that I don't wish my sister and her husband all the happiness in the world, because I do, it is just that I am feeling a strange emotion of anticipation, don't worry, this mood is not new to me. Butterflies are already erupting in my stomach, and this isn't even my wedding! I guess that in this current deal that we are in with COVID-19, I don't know what to expect for this occasion (trust me, I hate that...it is like the Godzilla movie I mentioned earlier, it is crazy popular at the theater, but it is a Godzilla movie, everyone knows how it is going to end). Not my wedding, so I shouldn't worry about it. Tidbit about me: I worry about EVERYTHING unreasonable. That is what created, or formed this particular goal to sit back, relax, and just enjoy (or celebrate) Rushton and Tara's wedding (I'll send you kisses from over here in Colorado to you, Mikey, my love 💕).

2) Use creativity to break up monotonous days (with painting of writing, possibly...).-I do enjoy being creative extensively...maybe too extensively, if that is even possible, I also love doing what I can to help out in the world (I know that creativity and service is a good oxymoron, but hold on, this idea could turn into something that's beautiful...creative or not, I'm confusing myself). I have recently started a YouTube channel dedicated to my weekly ponderizing to help myself find an outlet for things like this. I have only made a few videos so far, but it is actually pretty fun. I put one new video out every week on Sunday, studying and mentioning my thoughts on a particular scripture and how it connects to me in my life. I post the videos on Facebook too, if you happen to not be that YouTube savvy. That activity helps me break up the monotony on Sunday, but arguably, that is only one day a week. I want that shower to be on my life every single day or rather as much as I can possibly fit it in. I recently submitted my response to a story prompt on Reedsy with a little something on the myth where Loki gets banished, or punished for eternity, or at least until Ragnorok. It is a common Norse myth (don't believe everything that the movie tells you, because Loki is the trickster god, and death is just a part of life that we all must go through), but I decided to tell it from the not too often seen where he is the antagonist perspective of Loki. Actually, my inspiration came from a friend who told me of a story that they are writing, or rather planning where the bad guy isn't the same as what everyone thinks according to tradition. I thought that was interesting (since my storytelling is classic, and often cliche), so I decided to have my own go at it. Another tidbit about me, in one of my favorite high school classes a few years ago, one of my nicknames was Loki since I was a bit unexpected and my writing could go anywhere, as far as the story that it told. I also still am working on a story that I hope to finish someday soon that takes place right in our future. It isn't and never will be like Gerald N. Lund's The Alliance, or one of the stories in The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins or the like, but it means to offer a new perspective of what is happening through the viewpoint of one person that everyone is blaming, but no one can ever do everything bad by themselves (we aren't all a god of mischief). Also, as long as I am talking about creativity, I recently saw this fun paint-by-number thing at my Nona's house in California that was awfully artistic. I fell in love with it immediately. Since my birthday is in April, I included it on my wish list for something artistic...hopefully not assuming too much, thank you. (It is only one week away!)

3) Create a cleaning schedule for your apartment.-This is one easier said than done...or maybe I just haven't learned it yet, hence this goal. I am moving back up to Idaho in a few days to my own place, where I will live by myself for a couple of months, so I need to learn how to keep this habit, even while I have no one in particular to impress. Having one of these said schedules will greatly help me to manage my time and make the chore, or chores more bearable than anything else, really. I know this is true. When I was a little girl, still sleeping on the top bunk of mine and my sister's bunk bed (she got the bottom), before I was in a car accident that nabbed me of all my climbing and/or physical athletic activities, I tried to make my green bed everyday before breakfast, or at least before school, and doing this made it easier to think, helped clear my mind a little (which was why it was a good before-school activity). This showed me that having a cleaning routine made, and will make (because I'm not dead yet) it easier to acquire all of the cleaning solutions for the task at hand. Clean room (or house)=Happy (less crazy 😜) me. I have to start somewhere. 

4) Create meal ideas for different food.-Becoming a chef is a dream, though I try to keep the dream more realistic, at least for the moment. Maybe I should try and watch the cooking channel a bit less...no I thought I was being realistic. (And also for the argument, it isn't even the cooking channel anymore, or rather it is episodes and series that I find about cooking on Netflix, or Disney+. Currently, I am watching a version of Nailed It, but in Spanish (with the translation, I am nowhere near that good.) Right now I am cooking, or making myself sandwiches when I can, and I consider that an accomplishment since I am one-handed. My mother and others want me to stop making desserts, don't worry, I am, with things like this soup recipe and the like. Sandwiches, soups, and I also know how to make salads (but arguably, who doesn't?). Does anyone have a simple recipe that helps constitute a meal that I can make out there that doesn't start with an s? It would be much appreciated if you gave it to me. I'm hanging by a string here! (Also, this excuse is good...it just isn't the best for your health. 😋) Also a healthy, simmple recipe following the picture...

Simple Tomato Soup

-1 Tablespoon tomato paste

-200 Grams chopped fresh tomatoes

-1 clove garlic, chopped

-150 Milliliters vegetable broth

1 Handful whole grain pasta

5) Go on walks as much as possible.-It is true. I do like cake, or rather, I love cake but I also love going on walks. Ever since I was little, I loved going on walks to basically anywhere, of course when you put the slight handicap that I earned when I was 11 years old, there had to be some stipulations put on me as to where and when I was able to walk. For one, they weren't allowed to be that long anymore (I have tripped and fallen more times than I would like to admit...once I even broke my nose) (do not try to walk quickly in the middle of winter where you know that you are walking on the icy ground--I'm no skater), and it is always better if I walk with another person (though I break this rule often...yes, I have tripped and fallen and bruised my face and/or knee more times than I like to admit, but with every one of those falls, I learned something more in the art of walking). I learned how to fall, and get myself back up again, particularly, not to quote Batman, because I have never fallen down a well, wherein my fear of bats was originated. I learned how to fall, which hip is preferable that I fall into, or toward. I learned how to not fall on my mouth (along with bone-breaking, I have fallen and cracked my smile, needing replacement with artificial teeth and my jaw is in a little bit of a different place now and gets sore more often) (shut your perfect, God-given mouth about it). My family has looked into getting me a therapy dog, seeing that going on walks isn't something that I plan to stop soon, or ever so that I have a place to fall if I ever do fall...because I will. With that one, I have my worries too, since I am moving away in less than a month. What if the place that I live doesn't permit dogs? What if I never fall again? What if I don't really need it (I don't really want to pay for it...dogs are great, but they are just one more thing that gets added to the bill)? Here's a picture of my niece, Claira standing with her kid (get it? since it's a goat.). What a workout! 

6) Practice putting make-up on daily with different hairstyles.-Okay, confession time (waited until the 6th goal for that, that's good), when of all the blessings that the world has to offer, you are blessed with one able hand, it is really hard to do your hair. I can brush it, put hairclips in it, and put a headband in it...but that is about it. Several people have told me that they like it better when I leave my hair down anyway, and though this makes me feel some better, I still feel that I have plenty of untapped potentials that I can, and should recognize! For one, I have looked up how to braid your own hair if you have one hand, and though it looks really difficult, especially if you happen to have short hair like little old me, it is possible. Anything is possible. There may be doubters out there that need to be reminded of that. In fact, I have braided my hair once...it was really flimsy and it fell out of my hair, but I did do it. Maybe I need to realize that I can't become better at doing any activity if I don't practice (welcome to my life 😝). So, if I need to practice, I should only practice and I will get better. This can apply to several different ideas, like playing the piano (or any instrument), knitting, or sewing (all of which I have done...except for any instrument that tried to attach with absolutely anyone, I only know how to play the piano) (Michael knows how to play the violin, but I digress). Also, the reason why I threw the little part about practicing putting make-up on too is this: when I can't put my hair up, I feel like a less-than, like I shouldn't even try. This is a really bad practice. Everybody is worth something, even if they feel like they aren't worth anything. That little voice on your shoulder (I like to call him the devil-angel, talks like a devil, but sounds like an angel) (not to mock any of my favorite singers out there, like Brendon Urie...I still love the way that his voice sounds, so sue me (actually...don't) telling you you are way less than you ever could even dream of being is wrong, don't listen to it. Don't give yourself up. Just try. You never know unless you try, and if you fail, try again. Don't hide behind that fan, show who you really are! (Also, if you don't know who Brendon Urie is...trust me, he has a really good voice.)

7) Read Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis for the book club.-My book club is really getting a start, finally...who said that? I did, and I was thanking you. It is now taking suggestions, and this comes from one member that said that they really like the Narnia books, by Clive Staples Lewis (no wonder why he went by only his initials in his pen name) so looking at our yearly book challenge, I decided to choose one for our April monthly read this year, since it has a twist (kind of like April Fools), at least it did for me. Personally, I did not know that Caspian wasn't even a Narnian (although, strictly speaking, the old kings and queens aren't Narnian originally either, coming from the wardrobe). Maybe that is the reason for the struggle in his rule...no, for the same reason as before. (Forgive me, I am not that far in my read as of yet, I have only read one chapter.) Don't get me wrong, I have read the Narnia books by this genius of an author, it has just been too long since I last read them. Bring it. Sometimes the best parts of reality lie in fantasy. 

Rains, come on down! I dare you...😉

If I'm Improving...

 It's March...I can't say finally, because I wasn't particularly looking forward to it (if I'm looking forward to anything, it is June 😘) (if you get me?). I can't really think of any clever cliches for this month that commemorate the beginning of Spring (at least where I live) like "April showers bring May flowers" or aaacho! (I have allergies that annoy me in April-specifically the week of my birthday...not the best way to recognize, but it is one way to remember it...) I got it! It is the month that includes St. Patrick's Day, but I recently read something on how fake that holiday is (just a day for Americans to feel Irish), and not a bit of my blood is Irish (if that counts...pinch me) (sorry, but that is a stupid tradition). In other words, I prefer treating that holiday just like any other day, although my older brother, Ty served part of his mission so perhaps I should ask him how to celebrate once the day comes since he actually lived there for a bit. Not that I'm meaning to sell short any birthday that happens to be at the beginning of spring either, because my older sister, Bree, and two of my nieces, Hadley and Claira have birthdays at the beginning of Spring too this month. (Perhaps one of my goals should be looking on the bright side more...) (I personally think that I am just having a difficult time transferring from lethargic February to springy March, please forgive me, it is only March 6th when I am writing this.)

1) Set aside one hour every day to do something creative. I am not acting lethargic, I promise you. This goal is just spring to get me going with writing again in March (kind of like the Energizer Bunny...is that comparison correct?). I recently started a new story in my free-writing that explores ideas that I'm new to, at least in writing about, so I need a friend to a friend. Its setting lay in the future, in the land that used to be America that is called Ruosdilxm. Countries are always taking over countries, and I fear that will happen to humble (ha!) us again sometime in the future. I recently did a study of the Aztecs, which really got me thinking, what if somebody takes over people again taking things that aren't theirs just like we did to them (same thing with the Native Americans, though I didn't look that deeply into who used to inhabit my country in my research) (I know, you don't know where you are going until you know where you have been). So, I am telling a story from the perspective of this new, future country's future ruler, Natasha Skinner, and even though we all dream of an easier future, at least I believe, it isn't any easier for her to rule over a nation becoming more and more rebellious each day. Some of her prisoners (we all are prisoners to humanity when you think about it, Natasha just brings it further) are pretending to side with her, like the mischievous scientist, Amor Cherith plus the person that she overtook, Elijah Peake. So far I only have about one page written down in my writer's notebook but so far, I am seeing lots of potential and different ideas creating themselves off of this idea, that is why I need to be more diligent in developing a free writing time in which I just let ideas flow from pen to page without hesitation. I hope I can, though I love to write, I also have a job and schoolwork which I intend to take care of first. The world would be so much easier if I were more diligent in scheduling each of my days, and still left time for dreaming...wait, I think I have an idea there.

2) Bake two new recipes. Just in case you have been living under a rock for some time, here is a little "me fact": I love baking, or more of I love dreaming (how different can the two ideas be, really?). I love watching the baking channel and continue to dream, though I admit I like the outcome far better on shows like Great British Baking Show than the ones on Nailed It! The most recent thing that I allowed myself to learn was how to bake (or is it make, since there is absolutely no oven involved?) a salad. This recipe I can give to you in a sentence: find vegetables, whoop them together, and add a special dressing or vinaigrette to improve the flavor (I've always been a Ranch girl, myself, but they are several things in my fridge which I have the possibility of trying in the future). True, a salad is a smart meal to prepare if you have to leave in half an hour for your evening shift at work, which I did, but what about if I have time to make something bigger and better? (I make myself laugh.) I'm still dreaming on cloud 9 with this perspective, but you never learn (or know), unless you try something. I have quite a few recipes that I would like to try, that I either saw on television, saw somebody else make (I believe in myself way too much...if that is even possible), or fished from one of my own cookbooks (that I either got from my Bree or my old ward) (okay, they aren't exactly my cookbooks!). Included in this list are a Peppermint Oreo Milkshake, Fruit Cobbler, Pumpkin Banana Bread, and many others (and people say I have a bad memory!). I know, I know, none of those are good, healthy main dishes. You always have to start out with training wheels (unless you are Hadley) when you are learning to ride a bike, so these recipes are my training wheels more of. I have even talked to my fiancee, Michael about this goal (promising him dessert after every meal if he bakes something too). He laughs as he agrees resolutely. A lot of his blood is Italian so he is really good and used to cooking too, maybe he is even better than me (scratch that, I know he is better than me 😋). (I love this picture!)

3) Workout at least three times a week. Maybe I should correct this goal, or had been more specific. Let me explain: I do some yoga almost every day, it helps in the lifelong goal to relax my body but seeing that that goal is already met (at least in part, I'm not dead yet) I'm referring to more physical workouts, like biking, running, or playing a sport, seeing that it is March, the beginning of Spring, and the beginning of the part of the year that is more for outdoor sports. Admittedly, when I was younger, the sports I enjoyed doing the most were sports designed, or played during different seasons. I liked playing basketball with my friends, and basketball is a winter sport (since it is played indoors most often unless you have a basketball hoop set up outside (my family used too, but let's just say it been a while since anyone played with it, or was interested in doing so). Also, when I was younger, I was at the top of my swim lessons class (and no one could mock me for how short I was there, since we were in the water and I knew how to tread water at an early age, so it was kind of like we were the same height, as long as I stayed in the water). This was before I could really get into the sport, or even knew that there was a swim team at my school (thinking about it, I probably wasn't even that good), but life still went on and I received a TBI in my car accident mishap and I forgot everything that I knew about swimming. Before I make myself even more sad, let's talk about something else. The sports are minimal that I can participate in now, but I can still walk, bike, or maybe learn to swim again (I have heard of special lessons for people like me) so I need to keep up and keep happy at least three times a week with these. (Also, on a sort of related note, I am trying to eat no sugar for at least 21 days...with three birthdays coming. Wish me luck!) One of the first dates (I think the third...) Michael and I went on was a walk (me in my Run Across America t-shirt and his that has a joke on it, so this picture sort of applies.)

4) Be noticeably grateful (blog, Instagram about it) four times. I didn't know just how much I needed a goal like this one until today. It is easy to be down in the dumps, counting your problems instead of celebrating them (how deep of a thinker are you?) especially if it is not a month like November...or June (just thinking out loud). Recently, I was challenged to be more grateful than usual and post about it on Instagram or Twitter every day. Since I am not the type of person that posts necessarily every day, I was resolute (or thought I was resolute) in my response of "no." But then, I got the dastardly chance to think about it. I was not pleased with the outcome of the recent election, I still have to work every day, and I have a million other problems (a million, that's why I don't blog about them all that often). I tried to let that thought of "you had a chance to be grateful and you just let it pass you by, for some reason or other" but it kept coming back, for one reason or another. I decided, finally that someone was trying to put their foot down with me (perhaps God) when I looked at ways to prepare for General Conference (coming the first week in April, read all about it here) and included in that list was the simple, yet not so simple at the same time act of being grateful for all that you have. When I read that, I was reminded of my friend's challenge to me of posting what I am grateful for. Since everything happens for a reason, no matter how much I like to pretend that that isn't so, I accept her challenge (sort of). I am going to post one thing that I am grateful for every week on my Instagram. Got to start somewhere, and as long as you are reading this, I put forward that challenge to you also. (As long as we're talking about it, Bible verses help my sense of calm also.)

5) Have a book club meetup at least once. Gosh, this quarantine, am I right or am I right? True now, I am grateful for things that I discovered staying home all the time (slipping slowly into madness...okay, I'm done) that were more than a dead rat under my bed (just an idea, there are no dead rats in my house!). For one, my book club grew into something that I thought was bigger than it ever would or could grow to be. A grain of rice is much larger to some people, and this is my grain of rice. This goal may be a particularly crazy one because as of now, my book club is not made up of members that are even in the same country as me...but some of them are in the same town as me, or just the next town over from mine, so maybe we could do something one night. For one, we could watch that "Spiderwick Chronicles" movie together this month since the book we are reading together happens to be by Holly Black too. I don't know where we would watch it yet. Does anyone have it, because I don't? This goal is still a tadpole, but I am making and writing it anyway. This goal is crazy at this time, but not as crazy as some of Rowling or Beethoven's ideas, and look where they are now? I think too much, but to anyone who would like to know more about it, just look here. ✌

6) Take a calligraphy class. My handwriting is an interesting story, since I don't have that much longer let me summarize it for you. I learned to handwrite the same way as anyone would, I guess. When I was in my elementary school years, I learned where to curve the letters and where to keep them straight and I aced every single worksheet that I was given. But there is more, my primary handwriting lessons occurred while I was right-handed when the left side of my body was injured so the right side didn't work near as well and had to be in a cast near all the time, it was a different story. Now, I had to relearn everything with my non-dominant hand. Not cool. It is just as hard as it sounds, if not harder. My first year back at school after receiving my injury, I had a para help me take notes that I could read. (Hi, Ms. Wible!) Though it was only a year and I'm grateful that I had the help, my handwriting only became a little more legible in that time. I still cross my t's way too close to the top and you can't really tell my c's and my e's apart (sorry, to all my teachers!), but that doesn't mean that I have given up. My mother tells me that the person she knows with the best handwriting is my Aunt Diana (one of her sisters) and that she got it right after taking a class on calligraphy. That is why I found some classes on calligraphy online, to help me improve my natural handwriting. (If Michael happens to be reading this, I still bet my handwriting is worse! 😉)

Fortify February

 It finally happened. We are finally in it. It is February. Are you excited? I am...maybe a little. Now I don't want any offhand comments about it being the shortest month of the year for a reason, or it is the last month of the winter, or any other pleas that you may have about it being the worst month. I am trying to keep a brighter perspective, as I think we all should. Goals such as this one I find to be particularly enlightening. Now I don't expect February to be a dam that is expected to flood over at any moment if I am ungrateful or that starving being that is parched on their last day yet they should have all the sustenance in the world, they just don't know how to use it justifiably, or what comparison have you? I just think being ungrateful, even for the things that are hard to be grateful for, like February, is a quick and sure passageway to doom (or a place that sure feels like it). 

1) Read at least 3 books. In case you don't know me or we haven't had the pleasure of actually meeting yet, here is one vitally important fact about me: I am a bookworm. I have been my whole life, I fear. I enjoy being transported to worlds very different or not all that different from my own by the words on a page. I was the kid in class that always finished the class reads in English class before I was supposed to (in my defense, I couldn't help it; I had to discover Wilbur's fate and hopefully save him (in a way) in Charlotte's Web or readjust what happened to Brian at the end of Hatchet). And, get this, some of my teachers didn't support me in my love of reading...I guess that makes sense because I was the only person in the class that knew what I was supposed to know long before the rest. I guess looking back and hearing it like that, it does make sense because since I knew, I had to be more exclusive in the literary conversations that I could participate in. I can just see me know, wanting to say everything in my colorful reading classroom yet able to say nothing because I knew far too much. Here is a summary: I LOVE to read. You can't stop me. Many have tried (I don't know if I'd say many...), and none have succeeded. I am a fast reader too. (It could be this reason why I beat the rest of the class in our class reading.) Not to say that I do nothing but reading (if only I could...). This is more of the long hand way to say that I am in a book club that reads about one book a month, that goes with the theme of the month (for February, we are reading a romance, need I say more?). Though I love to read, I don't always love the book of choice that I feel that I must read, because of said club. So, I decided to make a goal out of it (and added two other books for kicks and giggles) (I can't help myself). True, I may not enjoy every book that we read, but my book club helps me see into others' viewpoints and opinions, and that is all I am trying to humbly do. (Maybe I should've challenged myself to read four books...)

2) Workout each and every day. Here is another nip-in-the-bud fact about yours truly, I try and work out several times, or more than once a day/. The jury is still out on the statement of whether I like it or not, but it does aid in helping me to relax, oddly. It is a good thing to do if I nothing to do (and I can read or watch a tv show/movie at the same time if I am on the treadmill). Some of my workouts are particular to me, because the right side of my body doesn't work as well as the left side, because I was in a car accident several years ago, but I don't like dwelling on the past (it is a sad story, does that do for an explanation?). Not to complain, I am leaps and bounds away from how disabled my body used to be right after-a few years after the car accident. I am very grateful, but I also know why I may use that statement. I sustained a habit of working out, no matter how tired my body seemed or tight my muscles were. It has been a long journey (and the destination seems to be getting further and further away-I am grateful for how far I have made it still). I also need to figure out how to work out on my very own and learn to be diligent with those workouts too. That is why I create this goal. I can't do anything and expect something to happen, that is unrealistic. I need to learn to work out on my own warrant, kind of like I was the last person on earth, and had no one to blame but myself (and God, but that is a different conversation). If I was the last person on earth, I would still yearn for recovery, that is why I create this goal to learn to work out each and every day. 

3) Get back into the habit of freewriting, Okay, confession time (as if I haven't done much in this post that wasn't confessing, thus far...): books and pens are my lifeblood. In other words, I love to write too! In fact, I am in the process of publishing something I wrote on Amazon as we speak! (Sorry, this goal gets me excited without even trying.) Something just needs to be edited one more time and then I'll be golden and able to publish it through KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing). Now, just in case you have a piece of limited knowledge, this means that it will be on Amazon booklists and in their online stores. And it doesn't stop there (I've done my research). A customer, like you (please tell me it is like you) may order a literal copy in pages and paper format if they choose. I can barely wait until I can hold a literal book in my hands and smell the ink and binding and know that it wouldn't even be there if I hadn't written it. If anything would offer my fortification, this February this would but Rome wasn't built in a day (though just in case any of my readers are hidden writers out there, Amazon does offer an awfully simple, free publishing service that I would highly recommend to any dreamer out there). Also, if you want more information on things like this, you can follow me on Twitter or Pinterest for it (yes, I know that I may have versed that wrong). I had a point...after you get over 300 pages of a story written like me, an author (still dreaming) tends to hit a lull. I fell into this. A bout of writer's block. This was okay for a few days, but then it lasted longer and just became embarrassing. I used to comfort myself by saying that it was because my life was quite an interesting tale and that was all that I needed (I journal, once every week) but then it lasted for longer than was necessary and I had to admit to myself, that I was in, and am in writer's block. It happens to everyone (not all characters that I make are as intriguing as Branson and Cal are), so I don't feel lonely but there has to be a way out of this dark, idealess passageway through random freewriting (the new story has to start somewhere).

4) Bake Valentine's Day cookies for book club. This is also a secret fetish and a secret weakness (well, maybe it's not so secret, at least anymore): I love to cook anything, particularly cookies. Also, I must say that the picture of cookies right beneath this goal and said paragraph were not cookies that were baked by me. When I was thinking of this baking goal for February, I happened to be shopping, and therefore noticing that sugar cookies alone were cheaper than all the ingredients that I would have to buy to make the masterpiece of sweetness that cookies (or muffins, call them what you want) are. Side note: I also HATE spending money. I just had a thought, Michael, if you are reading this, making Valentine's Day cookies could be an activity during a date that we plan on having later this week. I promise to do what I can to help, no matter how much I love the smell of sugar, plus watching you work. 😉 That brings the second thing standing in my way. Ever since this COVID-19 craze hit, my book club has had to do virtual meetups through Zoom, over the internet, or just by posting something on our Facebook page (newly created by me) because we find ourselves at a handicap, and are unable to meet. If you happen to be someone who knows the worse side of COVID-19 and really understands the reason for all the shutdowns, I mean absolutely nothing negative to you. The Facebook page that I recently started for my group has made it do things that I thought it would never do. It reminded me that we're all in this together because some of the club's members are in Utah, Idaho, and even other countries, like Australia (please join so that we may continue the spread...and books are awesome). We can all be one, though we are several miles away from each other. So, I'll be posting what I bake on Facebook, and encourage you to do so too. Also, on a different note (sort of), how many people had to actually learn how to bake because of this pandemic? 

5) Try a new Pinterest project. Most women (and men, now that I think about it) have lost track of time pinning away at delicious treats, outfits, arts, and crafts on Pinterest only to forget about it later. I certainly am guilty. My mind works in an if you want to do it, do it now sort of way and if I don't do it then, I'll forget about it entirely. Not to say that I am lazy, you should see all the things I have sewn, knit, and/or baked throughout my lifetime. I think that my particular issue with this is what makes me human, rather than just the simple fact that I have a bad memory (what was I talking about again?). I think everyone wants to move the world in a good way (at least a good way, it seems, from their perspective), but things like work and school tend to always be getting in their way. I am not saying that the items of work and school are necessarily bad, without them the world would be void of money (everything going to the rooster), determination, and education (I can make a rhyme anytime). I am saying that everyone should have the chance to work on their own dreams because those things could move the world. How do you think Facebook started? It started simply (well, as simply as things can be that start at Harvard). In 2004, a group of friends created a new social media platform with the goal to connect Harvard students through an online community (don't see the movie, I don't like all versions of this story). In other words, it started small, and had no idea how large it could, and did become. That is what I mean, I'll start a dream with a Pinterest project, who knows how large it could become (though I don't gander that it will be anywhere near as big a deal as Facebook is)?

6) Daily flossing. As you most likely already know, I am human and humans make mistakes (all the time, if you happen to be like me). One common mistake that I make is that I commonly forget to floss. My dentist has already talked to me about this; how it weakens my gums and is bad for my oral hygiene, and yet I still commonly forget (nevermind this, I am only human). That is why I make this a goal. I need to dedicate this to my memory better because it is preventative oral care, prevents tartar buildup (that is what it is called, look it up), prevents bad breath, is more effective than brushing alone (darn it), and prevents gum disease (bingo). I know that this should already be a habit, but it isn't. At least I noticed it, and that goals help me sometimes. 

There are the goals that hopefully will help to fortify me this February. What do you think of them, or what are some of your own goals that help to fortify you through the year? I would love to hear them!

Warmth Even In the Cold

 It was a blustery Monday morning when Knave Jackson and Susan Athena “Al” Albone gathered together to finally tie the knot after 12 long years together. Together they finally were with three guests, a pastor, and 12 dogs, they set out into the mysterious tundra for the ceremony.

This one was a love story years in the making. Knave and Al first met in lone Lebanon, Ohio back in 2008.

“And after greeting and conversing for about a month,” said Al over a Zoom interview, “had our first date at a Waffle House in Lebanon, Ohio, and met for coffee, soon to be forgotten, or at least we assumed. I think we ended up actually having a pancake or something.”

Al wasn’t at all shy about her first impressions of Knave.

“I thought he was a bit too classy for me,” she admits.

Knave, on the other hand, admired her right away.

“Well, simply said, I liked her,” said Knave. “I didn’t realize that I was coming off in the way that I was. I was only on my best behavior.”

In June 2020, Knave popped the question. This wasn’t the first time he had asked Al to marry him, which should come as no surprise.

“Well, I gave her a diamond around 2012,” reviewed Knave, in a dream, seemingly. “And Al has never been married, and I’ve been married more than once. And that frightened her, and it probably did the same to me too.”

“He omitted part of the story,” confessed Al. “Between both of my parents, there have been eight marriages. So I’ve had plenty of experience with marriage and divorce myself, you could say. And a pretty repetitive way of judging.”

It wasn’t until the turntable coronavirus pandemic hit that things finally began to change for Knave and Al. Back in April, Al (or Susan, as her nametag read) was working hard as a nurse practitioner in Ohio. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, Al sorrowfully lost her job. Her job search brought her up to the heights of Alaska, and eventually to Bethel, but the distance was making it harder to create a relationship.

“Even though he’s been supportive of my job, and need to move, and the plans,” Al said. “I think once he got truly lone it all hit home. It’s one thing to be, stuck at home with somebody. It’s another thing to be stuck at home with no one.”

For Knave, the distance and the separation gave him much time to reflect on their relationship. He came to the startling realization that he’d been taking poor Al for granted.

“You do take people for granted sometimes. And it really was a big cry for me how much she really meant to me and how little I showed her how much she meant to me.”

With Al working in Alaska and Knave living alone in Ohio, there seemed to be no end to the distance.

“So we did have several-heart-to-hearts via Zoom or Google Meet. And, you know, when the time came, I finally asked her to marry me again. You know the answer,” Knave said with a grin.

With the pandemic still going strong and the courthouse unfortunately closed, wedding planning took a different spin.

“So yeah, it definitely had an impact,” she said,” but also made him, or forced him to be a little creative.”

Knave wanted to make his marriage memorable, and what is more memorable than getting married on a dog sled?

“It’s one of those special Alaska things,” noted Knave. “And I just, I just said the idea out there to see what she’d say. And she said ‘Yeah, well, okay. If he, if he can pull that off, surprisingly.’”

Knave reached out to the KYUK News Director, Edith Grace Pearson, who contacted Kuskokwim 300 Race Manager Brandon Griffin.

“And then I emailed him, in a bit of a rush, and he was kind of, ‘Well, I don’t know whether anybody really wants to do that, but I’ll send your name out to a few people.’ And fortune struck and Deborah Raskin was one of them.”